


cryo chamber? More like crying chamber

by sarcasticbarnes



Series: marvel but if they had the guts to include proper representation [1]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Explicit Consent, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Homophobia, Interviews, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Mix of tweets and writing, Other, Politics, Racism, Social Media, Softness, Traditional Media, Twitter, tags added as needed, take no shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-16 05:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21266141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcasticbarnes/pseuds/sarcasticbarnes
Summary: James @jamesbarnes • 1hI sincerely apologize for my tweets, as it caused PR a headache. Therefore I shall move on to another topic.Why the fuck are you not vaccinating your kids





	1. super solider serum does not appreciate no nut November

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [el twitterino knows all](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18131204) by [sbiderwoman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sbiderwoman/pseuds/sbiderwoman). 

> Y’all it’s 12:51am on the 1st of No Nut November. I’ve been writing this shit in my Spanish/Biology class the past 2 weeks. I was going to have a legitimately good chapter. You may ask what this shit is and guess what, it’s a goddam Twitter fic that’s starting with no nut November.

Biderman @spidermanqueens • 35m

pray for my man bucky....ain’t nothing wrong with him, he’s just horny 

Shuri @princessofwakanda • 32m

Not to subtweet anyone but....what the fuck spidey 

James @jamesbarnes • 31m

Replying to @princessofwakanda 

Is it too late to get the death sentence 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica • 29m 

Replying to @jamesbarnes

We’ve BEEN over this.   


James @jamesbarnes • 28m

Replying to @captainamerica

this was before i had been betrayed....abandoned.....left to suffer 

Marge @kissesnflowers • 24m

Wait what the fuck is happening 

Biderman @spiderman • 24m

Relying to @kissesnflowers

No Nut November. It’s the funniest fucking thing, Bucky’s just been mopping around the tower for the past hour akdjakndkadn 

James @jamesbarnes • 17m

Is it too late to ask for death row

Shuri @princessofwakanda • 14m

Press F for Bucky’s blue balls 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica • 14m

F

Biderman @spidermanqueens • 14m

F

Natasha @blackwidow • 13m

F

Venom @sanfranvenom • 12m

F

Daredevil @hkdaredevil • 10m

F

Vision @vision • 9m

F

MJ @overthemountaintop • 8m

F

Dr. Banner @brucebanner • 3m

F

Yeeter @peterbps • 1m

F

Harley @trashboy • 1m

f


	2. softest shit you’ve ever read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how do we feel about a chapter every day????

* * *

James Barnes + Steve Rogers

Public Snapchat Story 

Wednesday, October 23rd, 2019

* * *

_"my boy"_

Bucky is stretched across the couch, glasses on, wearing a sweatshirt that Steve’s been photographed wearing multiple times. He’s gazing at the TV, and Steve calls out a quiet “Buck”. Bucky tilts his side, a dopey grin on his face as he answers back just as softly “Stevie”

_"payback bitch"_

Bucky, holding up the middle finger, with Steve looking scandalized.

_"maybe sorta in love"_

Steve laying his head on Bucky’s lap, Bucky’s hand in his hair, with The Ellen Show on the tv.

* * *

James Barnes + Steve Rogers

Public Snapchat Story 

Thursday, October 31st, 2019

* * *

_"betrayed"_

The video starts with Bucky making a shushing motion, silently walking towards the open balcony door. Steve’s back is to the camera, but he tilts his head slightly, letting Bucky know he knows. Bucky huffs, clearly annoyed, and Steve turns around. A cigarette is in his fingers, and he silently offers Bucky one.

_"he' s going to die"_

Bucky is being chased, he hurtles over the couch with Steve screaming “GET BACK HERE THIS ISNT –“

_"hide and seek gove very very wrong"_

Steve is army crawling through the vents, panting, his hair sticky. There’s a noise and he starts crawling faster, he’s seen being yanked back and the video cuts with a high-pitched scream.

_"apparently hiding from the us military wasn't all that useless"_

Bucky grinning triumphantly, with Steve laying beside him fake crying into some tissues. 

* * *

James Barnes + Steve Rogers

Public Snapchat Story 

Friday, November 1st, 2019. 

* * *

_"my whole world in one picture"_

Steve takes a pic of Bucky asleep at 6 am, just as the sun is coming up. Bucky never sleeps long past 6 am, a combination of military experience and The Soldier. He has a tiny bit of dried drool on his cheek, he’s lying on his stomach, arms pillowed under his head. His hair is tied back but falling out everywhere.e

_no caption_

Steve in running shorts, topless, and it zooms into his ass. Bucky whistles and is heard going “Damn that_ is _America’s ass”

_"the outcome of buck's video"_

Steve and Bucky standing in front of a full-length mirror, the flash on so the only thing visible is Bucky’s arms smacked around Steve’s tummy, and Steve’s arm lifted (in Bucky’s hair).

_ "ataraxy" _

A picture of Bucky resting his head on Steve’s shoulder, his metal arm tracing Steve’s collarbone, with Steve smiling down at him. 

_no caption _

Blackbear is playing in the background, Steve is humming while stirring vegetables, and doing a small dance. Bucky throws a pen at him and Steve laughs, looking at Bucky with a soft smile.

* * *

Twitter,

November 1st, 2019

* * *

**James @jamesbarnes • 14h**

Until the near future I will now be living in the vents, let me die in peace

**Steve Rogers @captainamerica • 14h**

Replying to @jamesbarnes

Where is it I heard you scream

**James @jamesbarnes • 14h**

Replying to @captainamerica

……the counter

**James @jamesbarnes • 14h**

@captainamerica YOU JUST SCREAMED TOO MOTHERFUCKER

**Steve Rogers @captainamerica • 14h**

Effective immediately I will be joining Bucky in the vents

**James @jamesbarnes • 6h**

Life is a bitch 

**Steve Rogers @captainamerica • 6h**

With no mouth and no lips

**James @jamesbarnes • 6h**

But it sure ain't no fun with no teeth and no tongue

**James @jamesbarnes • 5h**

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT

**James @jamesbarnes • 5h**

WHAT THE FLYINF FUCKITY FUCK ?????????

**James @jamesbarnes • 5h**

BANANAS WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU

**James @jamesbarnes • 1h**

I sincerely apologize for my tweets, as it caused PR a headache. Therefore I shall move on to another topic.

Why the fuck are you not vaccinating your kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also p.s if any of you want to beta this or help create shit you can find me on twitter, discord, or tumblr. all of them are sarcasticbarnes, except add #9850 to discord. 
> 
> p.p.s someone give me attention im soft n wanna talk stucky/anybody :(
> 
> xoxo,  
i paralleled parked for the first time today


	3. steve interview cameo bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think i took too many cold medicines and now I’m high as fuck, and terribly sorry for this update. Once I no longer want to yeet myself off the Empire State Building, I’ll finish editing it and give it a proper ending. This is chaotic. Very much like actual interviews go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all keep an eye out....i might fuck around and make a harley/peter texting fic (cough, totally did not make this into a series, cough)
> 
> holy fucking shit i hate writing in this format but it was the quickest and easiest way to not making this chapter 15k.

STEVE + BUCKY

Interview 1

James Corden

* * *

Time: August 21st, 2019

Location: Corden Studios, LA

**Corden**: Hello! Good evening and welcome to The Late Late Show! Thank you for being here. Now we have a lot to cover tonight, but first, we have a special announcement!

(Audience yells)

**Corden**: Thank you, thank you! Settle down! (laughs) Now…we originally had my good friend Harry Styles scheduled for this entire slot, but he understandably canceled when someone very important contacted him.

(mixed audience reaction)

**Corden:** That very person being Mr. Captain America himself!

(audience yells significantly louder; the mics are quickly adjusted)

**Corden:** Yes, that’s right! Steve Rogers himself has requested to come on tonight, and we obviously agreed! Join us after the break for his interview!

(Commerical Break)

**Corden**: Welcome back! I’m here with my new friend Captain America, also known as Steve Rogers.

**Rogers**: (chuckles) the pleasure is mine, James.

**Corden**: Now you coming here was very much a surprise, so what we had planned for Harry Styles will now need to be done with you. That is, of course, if you agree.

**Rogers**: Ah! Mr. Styles! His new song is good, always on repeat in the tower. I’m actually surprised he agreed so easily.

**Corden**: Well, duh. It’s pretty obvious why he did.

**Rogers**: (uneasy laughter) Is that so?

**Corden**: (grinning) So, what do you say Mr. Rogers? Up for some Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts, maybe some celebrity tinder?

**Rogers**: Bring it on, Mr. Corden.

**Corden**: (exaggerated facial expression of shock) Mr. Corden? Really?

**Rogers**: Hey! You started it with Mr. Rogers.

**Corden**: Betrayed.

(audience laughter, some wolf whistles)

**Rogers:** Based on the way your tech is glaring, I suppose we should get on to the accrual interview.

**Corden:** Thank you for the perfect segue. You rarely do interviews, much less filmed ones. Why the change of heart?

**Rogers:** (leans back) Do you want a bullshit media answer or the truth?

**Corden**: (hiding his shock) The truth, of course. Who do you take me for? Fox News?

**Rogers:** (slight smile) A friend of mine recently had an argument with someone else close to me, but up a good point during it. I have a voice, and some people don’t. It’s that simple.

**Corden:** That’s incredibly true. With your voice, what do you have to say?

**Rogers:** (sucks in breath) I am not who I seem. I keep secrets just like everybody else, I break and rebuild myself like everybody else, I’m angry at what has happened to our world….but also what I’ve been branded by.

(the audience has somber mood)

**Corden:** You seem to be holding back. Do you want to….?

**Rogers:** I didn’t mean to go so depressing there. I’ve just been fed up with things people have said about me recently. 

**Corden**: (leans forward) Like?

**Rogers:** (dry smile) Oh y’know, just that I’m racist, homophonic, misogynistic. (sarcastic tone, eye roll) Everything I am, obviously.

**Corden:** Well, on that note, join us next to see Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts with Captain America!

(audience cheers)

**Corden:** Alright let's have a look and see what we got tonight. Jellyfish, Vienna Sausage Juice Shooter, Bull’s Penis, Bug Trifle, Bird Saliva, June Bug Jello, 3 Chili Pepper Smoothie and finally Turkey Testicles.

**Rogers**: (Audible groan of disgust)

**Corden:** Now, Steve, neither of us seen questions. Ask me a question first and pick what you would like me to eat.

**Rogers**: Hm, let’s see. (spins table) How about some 3 chili pepper smoothie?

**Corden**: (look of disgust)

**Rogers:** (laughing) Alright James, you’re known for your carpool karaoke. Which celebrity faked it the worst?

**Corden**: Oh my god. I can't answer that – no I can't- fuck you, Rogers. (swigs)

**Rogers**: What the fuck.

**Corden:** (gagging) Make it stop

(cut scene)

**Corden**: Just for that, I’m giving you the turkey testicles. Steve, your love life is heavily hinted at. Are you dating anyone, and if so, who?

**Rogers:** I’m leaving

**Corden:** (laughs) No you aren’t!

**Rogers**: (sighs) God, PR is gonna kill me.

**Corden**: Does that mean there is somebody??!

**Rogers**: (grinning) Yes, but it’s incredibly classified.

**Corden:** (turning to techs) Does that count as losing?

**Rogers:** Either way (throws back entire bowl and eats straight-faced)

**Corden**: (slack faced)

(cut scene)

Corden: Do to an unforeseen emergency, we had to cut the segment short. However, I’m told it’s been handled, and Captain America will have a guest join him.

(audience cheering)

Rogers: Now, please be aware that this is one of his bad days and I was called away because he was becoming upset. When he joins, please don’t yell too loudly

(audience murmurs agreement)

Barnes: (accidental murder strurt to steve side)

(audience gap, but otherwise remain silent)

Corden: excuse my French but holy fucking shit

Barnes: (teasing glint in eyes) ton français est excuse

Rogers: snorts

(Audience amused laughter)

Corden: Why is this not the weirdest thing I've seen yet

Barnes: murmurs cold, noticeable shiver

Rogers: concern, how about we sit down and continue the interview?

Corden: of course, mr. barnes, would you like to participate?

Barnes: shocked, nyet, uh, no thank you.

Crowd laughs softly

Corden: That’s understable, please let us know if you need anything. Now, Steve, I have to ask, how much knowledge where you given when you awoke in this century? 

Rogers: exasperated face, glances at bucky

Corden: C’mon, y’know I have to ask - NO don’t look at me like that! - I have to! It’s written into my contract (laughs) 

Rogers: (hands held up defensively, smile tugging at him) Alright alright, fine, if you must 

Corden: (choke our wheezing laughter) I have to ask, how much knowledge where you given when you awoke in this century? 

Rogers: (sighs, subconsciously shifts closer to bucky) Most of my knowledge is things I’ve actively searched for, so we should probably start with that. 

Corden: Oh? Did they not tell you anything? 

Rogers: Well, they did tell me the very basics. It was very much “We won the war, it’s 2011, the president is black”. Then I was told to go and go fight again, so who knows if they would have told me more. 

Corden: The Battle of New York, right? That must have been shocking to you, waking up 70 years in the future. 

Rogers: (pauses, seems to be considering it) Well, parts of it. The battle itself is nothing new to me, I’d been fighting for a long time before that. I think what people seem to forget is - Y’know when I woke up, it hadn’t been 70 years for me — I think it had only been a month, at most. The concept of other beings — other planets — was always around, but seeing it? Yeah, it was an adjustment for sure. 

Corden: You mentioned you learned most things by yourself, what was that like? (laughs) I mean you’re nearly 100 years old! 

Rogers: (amused) Ah, yes, the age-old question. 

Corden: (interrupting) Did Captain America just make a pun? 

Rogers: (smirking) Mayhaps 

Corden: (stunned silence, dramatic facial expressions) 

Rogers: I’m sorry, what was the question? 

Corden: The things you learned by yourself, what was it like? 

Rogers: (tilts head, clicks tongue) Well, do you mean what it like learning the process of how to learn or what was it like learning about what’s happened? 

Corden: Both, if you don’t mind. 

Rogers: The process of how to learn was fairly easy. I still have the mindset of a late 20s guy, in terms of adapting to technology. I think it took me 6 days to learn it all? Yeah, that sounds about right. (Pauses, closes eyes and takes a breath) Learning about what happened........that was harder. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if any of you celebrate Día de los Muertos and wouldn't mind giving me more of an insight on it for a paper I have due in Spanish; that'd be dope as fuck.
> 
> As always you can find me on twitter, discord, or tumblr at sarcasticbarnes (#9580)
> 
> xoxo  
god i hated writing this and it took 3 hours because ao3 was being a dick.
> 
> p.s ao3 just fucked my formatting but I’ve already taken a melatonin and worked too hard on this so kiss my ass until I fix it :)


	4. Veterans Day baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to rearrange my entire schedule this weekend which fucked with my chapter flow :( 
> 
> anyway, penny for your thoughts? 
> 
> TW: bit of a heavier topic but nothing major.

Chris @blueheartedbaby • 7h

I can’t believe they let fags, @captainamerica @jamesbarnes, serve in the military. Bet they “worked” a lot. 

  
James @jamesbarnes • 6h

Replying to @blueheartedbaby

{attached photo with the following written: Yes you’re absolutely right. While men were dying around me, while I watched people I had grown to care about suffer, while I saved as many lives as I could, while I WATCHED as soldiers were captured or slaughtered - while I was being tortured, when I was being used, while I was honoring all the men in my company who bravely fought for your freedom - clearly all I could think about was sucking some dick. All I could think about was how much I wanted to get fucked, how much I wanted a cock in my mouth and a cock in my ass.}

Steve Rogers @captainamerica • 6h

Replying to @jamesbarnes, @blueheartedbaby

{attached picture with the following written: We fought in the war, we continue to fight for your safety, and you have the audacity to say that? Consider this: was your opinion more positive before you knew about our sexualities? did you have the same belief that we couldn’t do our jobs before? We both have PTSD, we get flashbacks, we live everyday as if we’re about to die - because guess what, asshole, we DID that. most days we didn’t know if we were going to see the light of day, see our families, or see each other again. Until you served your country, watched countless deaths happen, and country fighting (on a much larger scale) for the safety of the entire world - you can kindly fuck off.}

Biderman @spidermanqueens • 2h

Friendly reminder that Captain America,Sergeant Barnes, Lieutenant Wilson, and Colonel Rhodes have all served or continue to serve the military. 

Jennifer @theycallmeyen • 1h

Replying to @spidermanqueens

Does Barnes even count? He’s a murderer. Who’s Lieutenant Wilson anyways??? 

MJ @overthemountaintop • 1h

replying to @theycallmeyen

Oh you done fucked up. You can’t see it, but at the bare minimum Steve, Spidey, AND Peter are typing vigorously. 

Biderman @spidermanqueens •1h

Replying to @theycallmeyen

We genuinely do not have enough time to unpack all of that. 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica • 57m

Now, Buck’s always saying not to add fuel to a gasoline fire and that as long as we know the truth, that’s all that matters. But, if ya ask him, I haven’t listened to a damn word he’s said since the 20s. 

Steve Rogers @captainamerica • 53m

Yes. He counts. Before being forced into The Winter Solider Program, Buck was the best damn sniper the 107th had. He fought damn hard and gave his all. I won’t tolerate this disrespect. 

Biderman @spidermanqueens • 49m

It really shows your intelligence level by not knowing who Lieutenant Wilson is. I’m honestly too angry to even begin. 

parkman petersir @pbpqueens • 47m

Mr. Wilson is The Falcon. Don’t ask questions with undertones of assholeness, if you could simply google them. 

Sam Wilson @newyorkfalcon • 42m

Damn. Didn’t know my friends cared about me this much 

parkerman petersir @pbpqueens • 38m

Mr. Wilson!!!!! We love you!!!!

James @jamesbarnes • 17m

Will someone tell me why Steve just attacked me with a blanket and wrestled me to the ground 

James @jamesbarnes • 10m

Please it’s hot and uncomfortable all I asked was if he wanted pasta for dinner 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i created a tumblr groupchat called CCMLCC if y’all wanna peep it. no pressure.
> 
> xoxo,  
i have a cyber comp soon


	5. the genius trio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hnnn this is small but here’s an update since i’ll be busy with competition this weekend

** MJ @overthemountaintop • 11h **

Should I change my @ ???? 

** Lily @notitsnotpotter • 11h  **

Not to sound uneducated, but what’s your @ mean now? 

** MJ @overthemoutaintop • 10h  **

Replying to @notitsnotpotter

Only sounds like it a little bit. I’ll humor the answer without sarcasm. 

** MJ @overthemountaintop • 10h **

Lily, @noitsnotpotter, asked “What’s your @ mean now?” So here’s a thread about it! 

** MJ @overthemountaintop • 10h  **

Replying to @overthemountaintop 

“I’ve Been to the Mountaintop” is Dr. King’s last speech before his assassination. My @ pays homage to a the end where he says he’s been to it. 

** MJ @overthemountaintop • 10h  **

Replying to @overthemountaintop 

His speech touched on several extremely good topics of discussion, but my @ is basically to remind people of it! Y’all should read it <https://www.afscme.org/union/history/mlk/ive-been-to-the-mountaintop-by-dr-martin-luther-king-jr>

** Parkman Petersir @pbpqueens • 10h **

@leedsknees look at our partner!!! so smart!!! much love 

** Ted Yeeds @leedsknees •10h **

Replying to @pbpqueens

I know!!!!!!!! they’re so smart its hot 

** MJ @overthemountaintop • 9h **

Replying to @pbpqueens, @leedsknees

Funny. 

** Tony Stark @SIfounder • 8h **

@pbpqueens, @leedsknees, @overthemountaintop Y’all are literal geniuses ???? And what they said was basic knowledge ??? 

** Parkman Petersir @pbpqueens • 8h **

Replying to @tonystark

Ok boomer. 

** Ted Yeeds @leedsknees • 8h **

Replying to @tonystark

Ok boomer. 

** MJ @overthemountaintop • 8h **

Replying to @tonystark

Okay boomer. 

** Tony Stark @SIfounder • 7h **

I - what - is this what betrayal feels like???? 

** MJ @overthemountaintop • 5h **

Okay but @ change??? Let’s vote. 

** Cindy @damoon • 5h **

Replying to @overthemountaintop

I vote for @/icyglare

** Gwen @thebetterstacey • 5h **

Replying to @overthemountaintop

Nah, definitely @/onlysaneone

** Parkman Petersir @pbpqueens • 4h **

Replying to @overthemountaintop 

Absolutely @/MJqueens that way we can match !!! :) 

** MJ @overthemountaintop • 4h **

Replying to @pbpqueens 

Disgusting. 

** Ted Yeeds @leedsknees • 3h  **

Replying to @pbpqueens, @overthemountaintop But you love us though!!! 

** MJ @overthemountaintop • 3h **

Replying to @pbpqueens, @overthemountaintop, @leedsknees 

Unfortunately. 

** Parkman Petersir @pbpqueens • 3h **

Gasp!!! Did The MJ ™️ just admit they love us???? 

** MJ @overthemountaintop • 2h **

Replying to @pbpqueens 

I take it back 

**Ted Yeeds @leedsknees • 1h**  
Replying to @pbpqueens, @overthemountaintop

No take backs, hah! 

MJ @overthemountaintop • 53m 

Replying to @pbpqueens, @leedsknees

Losers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone vote on MJ’s new user, please!! 
> 
> also, next interview, got any suggestions? 
> 
> xoxo,   
my cs teacher is most definitely in the CIA.


End file.
